The economy and subsequent unemployment are taking their toll on my psyche. I realize that for every one of me (graphic designer) there are 20 other graphic designers vying for the same jobs. Having that conscious thought doesn't combat the hit to the ego, however.
Every time I send out a work proposal and get rejected, a portion of my ego is obliterated. Considering how long I've been doing this, my ego is starting to look like a mangled chunk of shark bait. Most recently, a proposal I sent out, a lowball bid given the job criteria, was denied because I was asking too much. They had no interest in negotiating a new bid. Undoubtedly, they had another designer who was willing to do the work for a much lower fee.
The combination of job availability and number of un-/underemployed designers means that the value placed on designers has dropped to a staggeringly low number. Companies are advertising huge positions for extremely low wages. For the salary they offer, I could make more waiting tables. Sadly, starving designers jump on those extremely low-paying jobs because it beats starvation. It dilutes the integrity of the field. I see advertisements for jobs, "Graphic designer, responsible for all print materials, web design, must know Flash, also responsible for answering phones, must have degree, $10/hour." I am not exaggerating.
I see other portfolios from time to time, and it has forced me to re-examine my own. I no longer have the confidence I need to compete. I feel proud of my work until I compare it to others and then I question where I stand, professionally. In February, I re-enrolled in school, hoping to beef up my portfolio and learn some new skills. During my more optimistic phases, I think it will be great and re-energizing. However, when I let the darkness seep in, I am very tired and worn down and think I should just feel fortunate to get what I can. Sometimes I even question my choice of careers and wonder if there is something else I should be doing.
