Feeling lame

Lots happening since last we spoke.

Lauren and I are having great difficulty with breastfeeding. She has ankyloglossia, also known as "tongue-tie". It's where the little string of skin under the tongue (frenulum) isn't long enough, so she cannot fully extend her tongue without discomfort. The result? She doesn't latch properly and ends up chewing the hell out of my nipples. It's magnificent pain for me. Crying pain. Massive, crying pain. So much so, that I do not feel the bonding that typically is associated with breastfeeding. We bond in other ways, just not that. I hate it, and I can only imagine she feels it.

So we saw a lactation consultant today, who concurred that the problem was the tongue issue. She recommended clipping the frenulum. Ugh. It makes me woozy. My mother had a clipped frenulum when she was a baby, so no doubt there is my genetic link. Obviously, Mom doesn't remember anything about it, but the consultant told me that it is not a huge pain for the child. Kinda like the heel-stick. Ok, well I was there for the heel-stick, and it hurt her enough to make me cry. And also, I've cut my frenulum before, on ridiculously hard Italian bread, and it hurt like a mofo. So I just can't buy the low-pain theory. It may very well be true, but as an emotionally-worn mother, it's hard to accept. I'm still on the fence.

Today was also her appointment with the pediatric urologist. It was a little bit of a sucker punch. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect when they did the ultrasound and bladder catheter/x-ray, but I certainly didn't expect the results.

First, the ultrasound. It was relatively painless. She was perfectly calm through most of it, and at one point she fell asleep. Near the end, she woke up pissed and cried the rest of the ultrasound. It was hunger, mostly. No big deal. I had given myself a breastfeeding break yesterday, relying heavily on pumping what she ate all day, so my nips felt ok. I fed her while we waited on the radiologist to come and perform the cath/xray.

That sucked. Catheters suck. And of course it was uncomfortable for her, so she had a miserable little cry as she intensely sucked on my pinky finger. It broke my heart. Of course, I cried.

Then we went to see Dr. BeeGees to find out the results. (This is where I sigh...)

Right kidney is working great. That's the good news. The bad news is that the left kidney is polycystic. It's barely, if at all, functional. There was no visible activity. His assessment is that most likely, she will lose it. It will either wither away and disappear, swell up and have to be removed surgically, or the very slight possibility that it could deflate and a stent placed (the chances of that are very slim and not really worth thinking about at this point.)

Now we wait. We watch both. We go to a 2nd renal scan in two weeks and we just.. see.

I apologize, Lauren, for passing down to you the crummy body parts. Here's your roll of duct tape. Welcome to the family.

Comments

[sarah]

ooh, sounds like it's been a rought bit for you... if it's any consolation, I'm an RN in a maternity unit and I've seen babies get their frenulums clipped. It's very quick - I can assure you that a loaf of pointy bread is NOT used - there's hardly a drop of blood and the baby calms down quickly. And in my experience the difference it makes for breastfeeding is dramatic and immediate. Babes seem much more content, finally able to get a good mouthful of boob. And much much nicer on those poor nipples.

hope things smooth out for you and your little one...

[Aite]

Melissa, I am so sorry to hear about Lauren's kidney issues. I hope for as few complications from it in the future as at all possible.

Now, about breastfeeding a tongue-tied baby. I happen to know more about it than I'd like. It amazes me you even used "bonding" and "breastfeeding" in the same sentence.

Both of my daughters had a short frenulum. So did my husband, my mother-in-law, and I. If you'd like my opinion, go ahead with the clipping, the sooner the better. The procedure is quick, the healing is quite fast, and it's very worth it for your nipples, your breastfeeding relationship, and ultimately - the amount of your milk you'll be able to provide Lauren in the long run. Because, let's face it, no one can be expected to breastfeed for months in such pain and retain sanity.

In our case, my babies' tongue-ties were bad enough that they could hardly get any milk from my breasts at all. By the time this fact was established with the older one, my nipples were chewed up something scary. With the clipping, everything eventually worked out beautifully. All the talk about pleasures and bonding of breastfeeding made me laugh sad and incredulous laughs in those early weeks, but we did get to the point where breastfeeding became easy, painless and wonderful.

I'll drop my email address to your email in case you are interested in more tongue-tie talk (pun intended) and support.

(This is Alya from TTCAMM boards.)

[moonation]

I had the ripped up, searing, bleeding pain with breastfeeding both times. Noah, at one point, actually spit up a load of blood...that he had sucked off of my nipple. With Hallie, I had a horrible case of mastitis along with ripped up bleeding blistered nipples. I couldn't handle it and went to the bottle by 2 weeks with both of them.

My sister, though, kudos to her, she had the bleeding nipples please kill me now pain as well, and exclusively breastfed for an entire year.

It just depends on how bad you want to do it and how much you can handle. I definitely hope it works out for you, keep on trucking!

[Sam]

You crazy woman! The "bonding" with breastfeeding doesn't appear in the first weeks/month/or more. Seriously, don't beat yourself up about it. Breastfeeding can suck in a multitude of ways, and if you eventually get enjoyment out of it, that's great. But don't expect it now. Sheesh.

I'm sorry to hear/read about the kidney, I hope for the best for all of you.

[bean]

Hi! I'm delurking to add my 2 cents worth. Firstly, I agree about the breastfeeding/bonding thing. My (first) baby is 11 weeks old, and I'm only just starting to think that I would feel sad if I had to stop breastfeeding now. And I'm a lactation consultant! I'm also a midwife, and my honest opinion is that a tongue tie snip seems to hurt much less than the heel prick, and can make such a world of difference. The thing they hate is having their mouth held open (fair enough), but they cry little afterwards, or not at all if they hop on for a feed... Good luck with working it all out.

[Alana]

2 of my children were born tongue-tied. My daughters was connect the tip of her tongue to her gums right behind where teeth would grow. I didn't notice how bad it was till she was 1 becuase a. I was young and dumb and b. she didn't start teething till 12 months so it wasn't obvious. When it was really obvious was between 1 and 2 years and she couldn't stick her tongue out to even lick ice cream. Unfortunatly when it gets to that point, it has has to be done in the hospital, the child is put under, and it's surgery, you can't be in there. My daughter had it done at 2. Would've been less money, stress and pain involved for daughter had it been done early on. That was 16 years ago and what did I know? When my son came along with it, he teethed early and it broke from his gnawing on stuff and didn't bother him at all. Although I will say nursing them was very difficult and unsuccessful. I had to stop by 2 months both times and then I didn't know why and thought I just couldn't do it right. Now I know better. I would say doing it early on is the better route (would've been for me anyway). Either way, hang in there and good luck.

[Amy]

I'm so sorry to hear about her kidney. I would have been crying during the testing too. It must have been so hard to see your baby upset and not swoop in and and grab her.

Although I have no personal experience, I've heard from many moms that clipping the frenulum was no biggie for their babies. If doing it is going to save your breastfeeding relationship, I say do it. (not that my opinion does or should mean anything to you)

Good luck.

[Jenn]

I passed on to William a genetic skin thing and while I know I didn't do anything really, I still feel horrible and guilty about it.

Nick had a short frenulum and it made nursing him quite difficult. We didn't have it clipped because no one took it seriously and he was gaining weight so they thought he was nursing fine. He was getting milk, but it was hard, really hard, to nurse him. Eventually I think it stretched out some and wasn't as bad, but it did get a little better and I did both of them for a year.

But I never really got the bonding while breastfeeding with either of them. I don't know if I was still shell shocked from delivery or if it's because there were two nursing and I was overwhelmed, but I never felt it. I don't like breastfeeding. I did it because it's the best thing for them, but I didn't really enjoy it. I was sad when they were ready to wean, but I think it was more because I didn't know if I'll ever get to do that again or because they were growing up or because they didn't need me as much anymore, but it wasn't because I really wanted to keep going.

[Donna]

I have never heard the word frenulum until today, so thanks for using up today's "learn something new" segment. I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time. Cookie?

[Heather]

So sorry to hear about her kidney issues. It breaks our hearts when our babies are sick and going through tests. My DD had surgery on her right lung when she was 7 days old. Thankfully, we knew about this even before she was born, so we were prepared, but so scared. She's turning seven years old tomorrow and going through that seems so far away by now. Plus she's the most active athletic little girl I've ever met. She never sits still. Even while watching TV she gets her exercise!

Lots of luck with your little girl. It may be worth it to have her thingy clipped if it will make nursing more comfortable for you both. You'll both be in my thoughts.

[Amnesia]

As for the tongue issue, one of our two boys had this same issue and they clipped it in the pediatrician's office. He was nursing within 3 minutes of it being done and didn't cry after that at all... It made a huge difference in his eating, and they say that it helps when they start talking too - so we didn't even debate the issue. Although part of that was because we knew that it would bum us out thinking about it.

[Beth]

Does the LC have you using nip shields? There's a lot of scary negative stuff written about them, but it was only because of the shields that I was able to keep nursing past 10 days post-partum. (son had very low muscle tone and very weak suck)

[em]

My 16 month old son has the exact same diagnosis as your daughter. Fortunately it sounds like you have a great doctor. Our road to discovering exactly what was going on with our son was little bumpier but the outcome has been great. He's fine totally healthy, in the 90th percentile for height and weight, and honestly if it wouldn't have been for the discovery of hydronephrosis at the 20 week ultrasound we would never have known there was anything wrong. Living with one kidney is not a big deal and the doctors see no reason to remove the small kidney unless it causes a problem like hypertension. If you have any questions, send me an e-mail, we've been through most of the tests and have really good doctors now. The biggest thing is not to worry, everything will be fine, and that goes for the breast feeding too (we had the same problems) And don't blame yourself, having one kidney is more common than most people think,I can't remember the percentage but I was shocked when I saw it. Just enjoy your sweet baby, when you look back in a year you'll realize that this stuff is not really that big a deal in the whole scheme of things.

[Betty M]

I visited a friend last week whose baby son had just had his tongue clipped and she said the transformation in feeding was amazing. She found the procedure very hard but said it seemed not to bother her boy at all. Her mastitis has now vanished and he is gaining weight.

I am very sorry about the kidney - even though it is quite common to get by with only one it is not what you would have wanted so it sucks.

[Mandy]

I'm sorry to hear the bad news about her kidney, and very glad you're working with some great doctors.

Regarding the tongue tie, a few of my friends have had this issue with their children and like others have said - once it was fixed they were able to nurse amazingly well. All moms agreed it was amazing relief to their nipples and a much more satisfied baby.

Now for my personal experience...the breastfeeding related bonding for us came much later than the point you're at now. As you said we bonded over other things but the breastfeeding related bond lagged quite a bit behind. In our case there were some supply issues, definitely stress and ppd issues.

I'll say this though - she nursed for two years and two months, and when that bond came it was AMAZING. I just wish I'd known when it was BAD that it was going to get that good...but you just can't until you've been there. Similar to trying to imagine what baby bootcamp is like - you sort of think you know, but then you get there and the intensity is not like you expected.

Hang in there sweetie. You're doing a great job. Don't be too hard on yourself about the parts - she's as lucky to have you as you are to have her.

[dorothy]

I was tongue-tied and it wasn't clipped until I was an adult (which was a huge hassle and not cheap either). I wish SO MUCH that it had been done when I was a baby. Now I can eat ice cream, and kiss, and stick my tongue out, and get crap out of my teeth, and whatever; life is much better.

[Jodi]

Delurking... I've followed along since TTCAMM several years ago.

First, CONGRATULATIONS on that precious little girl!

Second, on the tongue tie... could they use a little dab of orajel or other topical if it would make her (and you) feel better? I had an upper lip frenulum that interfered with my orthodontia as a teen (it connected between my front teeth creating a ginormous gap) and had it clipped then with just a topical and I don't really recall it being a bother during or after.

My son (4 mos) is mildly tongue tied but not enough to make it a breastfeeding issue, however I was ready and willing to have it clipped if it became one. Please give the breastfeeding at least six weeks... OMG with my first two I was ripped up and ready to die from the pain, but at about six weeks both times everything cleared up and it was smooth from there on out for over a year with each. In your shoes, I'd get the clip done and give it a little more time before abandoning the endeavor entirely. OK. Enough Assvice. Just enjoy that little baby!

[mandy]

I am sorry to hear about Lauren's kidney. :-(

And sorry you are having trouble with the boob/tongue problem.

But I bet you are loving life with your baby daughter, despite the weight of the issues you are facing.

Keep your chin up, as best you can.

I was about to say, hey, remember Alya from the boards ... but she wrote herself.

I am so sorry you are getting chewed and are in pain. Breastfeeding is hard enough without that. And I'm sorry about the kidney. I'm giving a big whoop of joy for righty, though, and hope that lefty can join the party.

We are keeping our thoughts in your direction!!

Evelin

[Serina]

Melissa, have the frenectomy done as soon as possible. It's quick and very minor, believe me, one of my boys needed one. Also, consider the fact that she may require speech therapy later in life if you don't have it done. It's much better for her kidneys to have breast milk rather than formula, due to the salt content. You will both be happier if she can breastfeed with ease.
Good luck, I'm thinking of you.

[Serina]

Melissa, have the frenectomy done as soon as possible. It's quick and very minor, believe me, one of my boys needed one. Also, consider the fact that she may require speech therapy later in life if you don't have it done. It's much better for her kidneys to have breast milk rather than formula, due to the salt content. You will both be happier if she can breastfeed with ease.
Good luck, I'm thinking of you.

[Chimera]

So sorry to hear about Lauren's kidney that sucks. I'm so glad you got your real live baby but so sad to hear about the frenulum as well. Hopefully, that at least can be resolved. My husband tells me he just must have bit off the tip of his tongue when he was little but maybe he had that. He can only get his tongue like an inch and a half out of his mouth. Luckily, he's got magic hands.

[suzanne]

I'm just sending you some hugs. I'm so thankful you and Brad have this baby.

[expat]

"The procedure is quick, the healing is quite fast, and it's very worth it for your nipples, your breastfeeding relationship, and ultimately - the amount of your milk you'll be able to provide Lauren in the long run. Because, let's face it, no one can be expected to breastfeed for months in such pain and retain sanity."

That, and the huge huge huge issue of UTIs if you can't exclusively breastfeed.

[Karen Rani]

Here from Plain Jane Mom...and wanted to extend many good thoughts and wishes for your daughter and your family. xo