Rennie was starting to smell like an Egg McMuffin, in spite of her bath the previous day. Perhaps it was the formula's new sensory effects taking hold, but pshew! So we trotted up the stairs for Submerged Bath #2 (her fugly stump fell off two days ago leaving behind a pretty little big girl belly button, so byebye asshole sponge baths!)
We got the bright idea that Brad would hold her while I prepared the bath. Then we'd remove the diaper at the last minute, sparing us a golden shower.
Bath filled.
Washcloth ready.
Heater on.
Towel ready.
Then I removed her diaper, turned and set it on the counter, turned back to take her from Brad...
KERBLOOEY!!!!!
The baby exploded. Seedy mustard baby shit all over me and everything around me. Including my toothbrush on the counter.
Now, I thought, I am truly a parent.
You've been baptized! Congratulations! :)
Posted by: Lisa | September 26, 2007 at 07:10 AM
Ahhh yes!! You truly ARE a parent now girlie! ROFL! "Kerblooey"... LOL!!!!! (I'm gonna email you regarding your other blog entry. You know I feel your pain.. btdt) xoxo...
Posted by: Molly | September 26, 2007 at 07:23 AM
HA! I mean, ewwwww. heehee. Max pooped in the tub with me in it! Murphy about puked, I just took a shower and went on with life. Ahhh the joys of parenthood...
Posted by: K&M | September 26, 2007 at 07:31 AM
The next "I am a mom now" test is when you catch her vomit in your bare hands, sparing your upholstery, and don't think twice about it.
Posted by: Carrie | September 26, 2007 at 08:45 AM
Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Priceless!
Posted by: May | September 26, 2007 at 09:12 AM
Oh my! And to think...I can't wail til this can happen to me!
Posted by: Kim | September 26, 2007 at 11:30 AM
Gotta love the mustard poops!
Regarding the smell ... for an infant, the most important places to wash are
1) (obviously!) the diaper area
and
2) her neck (Celeste's too often smelled like neck cheese.)
and
3) behind the ears (breast milk can dribble there and form a nice crusty. I mean, only if you haven't washed there for a few days. Not that I ever forgot to wash there on my children. No. No, I didn't)
Evelin
Posted by: | September 26, 2007 at 11:32 AM
Welcome to motherhood!!
Posted by: Natalee | September 26, 2007 at 12:13 PM
wow! what an initiation!
Posted by: beagle | September 26, 2007 at 01:29 PM
on your toothbrush. heh heh!
Welcome! We've been waiting for you...
Posted by: Julia | September 26, 2007 at 02:49 PM
That is geat! Remember the time when you'd give about anything to have your baby poop on you??
Hope the fire boobs get better soon. Cat over at Galloping Cats had plugged milk duct problems way back and I think she went to physical therapy for it...it has been a while, but I think they used heat and massage for them.
Posted by: mandy | September 26, 2007 at 03:44 PM
You know, I was going to email you some mom advice that was mainly about neck cheese. You have to get that neck WAY back. Your baby will start to smell like a goat if you don't get that cheese out. Now that her Krispy Kritter has fallen off you can really scrub her down. the cheese gets in behind the knees too. I read your cloggged duct post. I hope your titties get sorted out soon. mustard poo comes out of clothes with oxy clean.
Posted by: suzanne | September 26, 2007 at 04:44 PM
Ha!!! Awesome! Congrats on parenthood!
Posted by: Erin Rae | September 26, 2007 at 05:37 PM
Well and truly initiated! Good thing toothbrushes are easily replaceable. I hope your boobs are feeling better?
Posted by: Tonya | September 26, 2007 at 11:08 PM
My name's Marie and I happened to stumble across your blog while Googling ultrasound pictures. I live in West Virginia and am currently 11 weeks pregnant, due April 16th in 2008. I read your blog completely from beginning to end and was very satisfied afterwards. It was very helpful in knowing pretty much the basic routine, seeing as how this is my first pregnancy and I'm freaking out reading baby books and everything else under the sun! I'm very happy for you and the birth of you baby girl, and I can only imagine how wonderful it felt after the things you had been through. My best friend suffers from endometriosis and is unable to get get pregnant whatsoever. Hopefully, she can have the same blessing as you and have a successful turnout :) Thank you for posting this blog, it was very enjoyable.
-Marie
Charleston, WV
rside2005@aim.com
Posted by: | September 27, 2007 at 01:21 AM
Haha - Yes, the poop explosion is certainly an important initiation rite :)
Posted by: erinberry | September 27, 2007 at 02:02 PM
Haha - Yes, the poop explosion is certainly an important initiation rite :)
Posted by: erinberry | September 27, 2007 at 02:03 PM
OMG - I needed that laugh so much today! (I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing WITH you...) LOL!
Posted by: Kym | September 27, 2007 at 06:04 PM
I have so been there. My little one did that at the tender age of 5 days old. Sadly it was downstairs in the living room but luckily about 99% of it got directly on me. I just told my husband I was going to clean up and just went and got in the shower. It was definitely an interesting way to be introduced to motherhood! :-)
Posted by: Brandy | September 28, 2007 at 01:11 PM
Ah, yes. Next is the puke explosion at 3 a.m.... much more fun after the little darling is on solid food... and better still if it's a virus she shares with you. In my case, the baby became Patient Zero in a barf bug epidemic during a family reunion. Six of us came down with what has to be one of the worst barf bugs I've ever had, while in a beautiful rented condo at the beach. I *still* have nightmares about that one!
So delighted everything is going so well, occasional body fluid explosion notwithstanding ;)
Posted by: Shelley | September 30, 2007 at 06:50 PM
Yes, the mustard explosion!!!! LOL, and that consistancy will last until you are done breast feeding, fun fun. :)
I have to tell you, I really enjoyed reading your blogs. I'm 5 weeks 6 days today (after 2 miscarriages, one with hemmoraging). I am lucky enough to have a perfect 11 year old boy, and am really hoping he'll have a little bro or sis this time.
You hit the nail on the head about your things that suck list. If one more person told me it was their god's will to have my baby die I would have began pulling heads off!
Good luck to you, dad, and your new baby girl. I'm going to bookmark and keep reading. :) best wishes, stephanie
Posted by: stephanie | October 01, 2007 at 08:05 AM
Yes, the mustard explosion!!!! LOL, and that consistancy will last until you are done breast feeding, fun fun. :)
I have to tell you, I really enjoyed reading your blogs. I'm 5 weeks 6 days today (after 2 miscarriages, one with hemmoraging). I am lucky enough to have a perfect 11 year old boy, and am really hoping he'll have a little bro or sis this time.
You hit the nail on the head about your things that suck list. If one more person told me it was their god's will to have my baby die I would have began pulling heads off!
Good luck to you, dad, and your new baby girl. I'm going to bookmark and keep reading. :) best wishes, stephanie
Posted by: stephanie | October 01, 2007 at 08:07 AM
Yes, you are truly a mother now. Congrats on the stump coming off!
Posted by: Heather | October 02, 2007 at 09:31 AM