Braindead

It's November, and therefore Christmas is fast approaching. And I find myself unable to focus on gift-giving. In the past, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries--all things I excelled in. I used to be able to find THE PERFECT GIFT for anyone, any occasion. But these days, I have no clue. I don't know what anyone wants--hell, I don't even know what I WANT.

It goes beyond gifts. Simple conversation leaves me feeling milquetoast. This blog--I have nothing original lately. I've staggered around so long in a doomed TTC world and now that chapter has turned, and we haven't even really opened the book on adoption, I don't know what to talk about.

I could bitch about my job, which occupies a large portion of my stress factor. But I don't want to be dooced. There we go. I will bitch about doocing.

I think it is utter bullshit. We don't owe our fucking souls to our employers. I feel like some wayward teenager and mom and dad are out there monitoring my internet usage and phone calls to see if I use a swear word. But so it goes, where we cannot come to our internet journals and complain about a very large portion of our lives without running the risk of being canned for it. That's just wrong.

I'd understand if an employee was divulging company secrets or slandering the company name. But people get fired for hinting at things that could be entirely generic. It's called "freedom of speech", asswipes. If you want a healthy employee, it is entirely in your favor to let them vent about it.

That being said, I feel I have a giant weight on my body because of my job. I dread it. My commute doubled (or tripled, depending on the day's traffic patterns) because the corporate office moved. Since moving to the new building, we have a daily flux of new rules to follow, each one getting more ridiculous than the last. And I am simply not happy there. Will that change? Maybe. Hopefully. But for now, I get tense the moment I get in the car to head that direction every morning. I am flat exhausted and my body feels the effect.

If I get dooced for that, then maybe it is a giant blessing in disguise. If they fire me for being stressed out, fuck 'em.

Now what to do about holiday shopping? Erghh.

Comments

[Shelli]

About doocing, if you're not blogging on company time or mentioning anyone by name, why should they have anything to say about it. It would be like if you were talking to a friend on the phone, at home, about work (venting) and they came in and said, "You can't do that, you're fired!" They can't and I would think someone would have a legal case if they did.

Did you read Julie's (a little pregnant) blog entry today. I am not sure it will make you feel better or worse. Give you hope or despair. I wish there were something to say that would help you feel better. In any case, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of us out here thinking about you.

[Cat, Galloping]

That sucks. I've had a couple of jobs where I've cried every day on the way to work...
Any chance you can start looking for something new?

[Donna]

I know what you mean about the holidays, this year I am skipping as much as I possibly can. I can barely get excited about buying stuff for myself, ferchrissakes. You've got to get a new job. End of discussion.

[penelope]

Can you abide foreign films? If you want a hilarious look at corporate nonsense, rent Fear and Trembling. Maybe it will make your job look better, maybe not!

For the Xmas stuff, I think I need to indulge in some art projects, even crappy ones, for my own sanity so one way or another they can be Xmas gifts. Even if it's just a mobile or something rustic.

[Brenda]

Thanks for the vocab word of the day. Yeah I hear ya on being at a loss for what to say. I've also been a bit fearful of blogging at work lately. A friend of mine just recently was pulled into the HR office and told that her blog was making the rounds at work. I don't write about work much but I would be horrified to find out that my coworkers have been reading about my... life in the stirrups. I much prefer them to be convinced that I have some sort of terminal disease and thats why I'm at the doctor all the time.

I've already decided to skip Thanksgiving... and not sure what the deal is with Christmas but I'm going to try and get it over with as quick as possible.

[Cecily]

Don't worry about what you write here. I love every word.

As for shopping, just come to my store. :)

[Shavon]

Hey, don't worry about what to say to us - it doesn't take much to keep us entertained. The job has got to go, and if you really want to make a statement, look for jobs on the internet while you're at work - that's what I did at my last job. And who could get into the holiday season with all of this crap going on? Tell everyone to enjoy their perfect gifts of years past, because perfection is not happening this year. The only perfect gift you get should be for YOU, nuff said.

I'm sorry that the job-front is so crappy. It sucks when your job adds to your stress level - it is such a meaningless portion of your life overall - it shouldn't have that much control. Unfortunately, I know how you feel and that makes me sad for both of us.

As for gift giving - maybe if I tapped you for ideas your creative mind would open up again! (And I would be really relieved to have some good ideas!)

[Tiffanni]

I wish I had some shopping tips for you, but I completely SUCK at it.
I am sorry that work is draining you. I hope you find something that involves a big change...a good change...a happy change in how things are.

[memphissuz]

hmmm. last year we gave everyone monogrammed slippers from lands end. boring, yes. shopping over in 30 minutes, YES! I can't even fathom what you must feel in the mornings knowing you have to drive in ATL traffic THAT FAR and to a shit job to boot! Bless your heart is all I gotta say. Bless your heart.