I hate writing papers for school. Yes, I am back in school again, and had to write a five-page paper on a symbol. A symbol. You know, one of those little icons that you can pretty much report everything there is to know in a one-page, double spaced paper MAX. What symbol did I choose? Because I'm a bloody crank, I chose this one:
[female symbol]
I wrote about what it means to me. The Infertile. To summarize: It sucks. It reminds me that I can menstruate, I can cramp and I can have shitty moodswings, but I can't carry a child to term. But oh yeah, other women can. THEY belong to the order of women known as breeders, but I don't. I only get the circle, NOT the plus.
I'm sure my graphic design history teacher is going to love reading about the bitter hag on the back row of her class. But dude, she asked for it. Symbols. *pssh*
And now, my favorite topic:
Scientologists, man.
What are those crazy kids up to these days? Well, I'll tell ya.
All I can say is I hope Katie-Kate Holmes-Cruise-Xenu has a high tolerance for pain, because GUESS WHAT Katie-poo? Your AMAAAAAAAAZING husband-to-be says you have to have that baby:
1. Without drugs.
2. And without a single peep.
So much as the meekest whimper will disgrace Tom before Xenu and his Murdered Alien Spirit Wonderforce Posse. According to the Scientologist Law, or whatever, babies should be born into a completely silent room, and it would be "traumatizing" to the baby to hear Mom whimper, or call Dad a mother-sucking ass whore.
Apparently, every time a woman screams "ASS WHORE!", an alien loses his wings.
I am proud to be a Christian woman in times like this. Because I like calling people ass whores.
You slay me. I didn't know you were back in school....what are you going to be when you're finished growing up???
Posted by: Sandy | October 11, 2005 at 01:44 PM
And Miss K-K H-C-X better hope that she doesn't have any PPD because there will be no help for her then, either. TC is such an ass whore.
Posted by: dish | October 11, 2005 at 02:09 PM
Oh gawd I love you.
Someone once told me, and I have no way of knowing where they heard this from, but that L. Ron Hubbard started Scientology as a bet with a friend that he could actually 'create' a religion. And you know what? I don't know the validity of that statment, but it makes the most sense to me of anything I've ever heard. And oh yes, dear trolls, I DO have some experience with the religion having lived in LA -- kind of hard to NOT find someone who practices down there, so um, yeah, what Ollie said -- Cruise is an ass whore.
I hope you get an A for your brilliant analysis of that symbol.
Posted by: Emily | October 11, 2005 at 02:20 PM
First time poster... long time reader. Just have to say, personally, I love anyone who uses the term 'asswhore' liberally. :D
Posted by: korin | October 11, 2005 at 04:22 PM
Totally in love with you for that.
Posted by: Wavery | October 11, 2005 at 04:30 PM
Ass whore may be my new favorite saying!
Posted by: Kate | October 11, 2005 at 06:22 PM
Yeah she better hope she doesn't end up having to have a c-section cause it's gonna be a real bitch with no drugs and not being able to make a sound.
Oh and they also aren't supposed to talk for the first week of the baby's life. FUCKNUTS!
L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise are both asswhores.
Posted by: Stephanie | October 11, 2005 at 07:07 PM
Oh my god am I laughing. And my husband too. What a bunch of ass whores. What has poor little Kate gotten herself into?
Posted by: Lindy | October 11, 2005 at 07:12 PM
Those alien worshoping idiots make me sick. I just want to vomit everytime I have to hear or see anything about those freaks. Tom C is a spoiled star who should keep his opinions to himself as everytime he opens his mouth he just keeps lossing brain cells. Katie good luck with your pregnancy but I guess your in "Doctor" Toms hands now. If anything goes wrong maybe the Aliens can take the probe out of Toms ass and help you with your pain. Beem me up Scotty because I am outtie!
Posted by: nickidee | October 12, 2005 at 02:59 AM
Maybe Ms. Holmes will have terrible post partum depression and jump out of a window... then Tom can go..."hmmmm ... wow... it is a good thing I dig on guys."
PS I am pretty sure "asswhore" is the perfect thing nickname for Tom the manly action star.
Posted by: Jamie | October 12, 2005 at 07:06 AM
I always love reading the "rules" women need to follow during childbirth as written by MEN.
Stupid fuckers.
And the more I learn about Cruise, the more I'm convinced that he is an oxygen thief.
Asshat.
I hope Katie bug has to have a c-section---even better I hope she gets gestational diabetes AND preeclampsia AND PPD!
Ok, no I don't really wish those things on her. But on him - only sort of in a getting ready to go out and find small animals to sacrifice under a full moon in the hopes that there really is JUSTICE in this world type of way.
Posted by: susan | October 12, 2005 at 07:43 AM
'Apparently, every time a woman screams "ASS WHORE!", an alien loses his wings.'
That may be the funniest line ever written.
Posted by: Tiffanni | October 12, 2005 at 08:17 AM
There doesn't seem to be any rules against punching, stabbing or gouging his eyes out however. As long as she is quiet about it that is.
*smirks silently*
Posted by: cat | October 12, 2005 at 10:54 AM
cannot type...too busy passing out from hysterical laughter...
Posted by: Cecily | October 12, 2005 at 01:02 PM
"Apparently, every time a woman screams "ASS WHORE!", an alien loses his wings."
**SNORT!!*
Posted by: erinberry | October 12, 2005 at 05:18 PM
It's even worse than you thought:
http://www.slate.com/id/2128041/?nav=ais
Posted by: Travis | October 17, 2005 at 01:43 PM